Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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