i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
