Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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