so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
