He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
