Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
