I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
