hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
