what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
