The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
