How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
