Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
