When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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