please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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