my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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