I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
