I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
