3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
