What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
