The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
