Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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