capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
