i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
someone owes me an orgasm
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
tell me about the fingering
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