He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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