So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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