i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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