can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
