I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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