i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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