Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
