home. puking in laundry basket.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
