and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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