Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
