I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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