I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
