i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
