I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
