I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
