He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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