You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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