wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
