wanna go halves on a baby?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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