i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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