We're like a lot better than the average bears
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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