he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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