They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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