help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
