The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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