You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
