omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
