so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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