is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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