he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
