the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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