Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
