Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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