you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
