you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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