a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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