My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
