Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
