i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
