You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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