i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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