Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
