no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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