you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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